Hi my name is Susie and I suffer from FIBROMYALGIA!! Although I have blogged before, I have never let anyone read what I have written, after all who would care? Sound familiar?
So as I said, I do have Fibromyalgia and was diagnosed several years ago. I fought the pull of pain and fatigue for many years up until the last few years, it seems to some, I have given up. I still take the medications that my Rheumatologist prescribes, I don't have the energy or desire to do anything. Knowing that I would only be in pain afterwards doesn't give me much want too.
I wanted to try and stay positive in my new blogging experience but today is just not a positive day. So should I put it off for another day? Probably but then again, probably not...
I lost my job almost 2 years ago. A job that I loved but was more stressful than I could handle. It got to the point that my work suffered from lack of energy and the pain in my arms and shoulders. I tried another job a few months later, it was not stressful and the hardest part was getting me there. After the 3rd week, I was let go, business was slow. I had missed 3 out of 16 days of work, but that wasn't brought up in the " I am sorry I have to let you go speech"!! So here I sit, day after day, wondering how I am suppose to go on, or maybe more like how am I suppose to FEEL like it..
I am still LEGALLY married too and still live with my husband of 30 years.. ("that's all I will say about that"). I have 3 sons, the oldest was 8 years old when I married his dad. He and his wife, who is a wonderful daughter-in-law and friend, have 2 sons, who are the most amazing 2 boys on the face of this earth. My second son lives here with us for the time being. His job changed and he is re-grouping. Our youngest is getting married in a couple of months to a wonderful woman and has a daughter that melts your heart at first site. That brings my grandchildren count up to 3. I am SO very proud of all 3 of my sons. They and their families are my main reason for wanting to live. God has blessed me in many ways and I couldn't have picked any better if I could have.
I also have 2 dogs that make up (and TAKE UP) my every day living routine. They are my babies that took me thru the Empty Nest Syndrome which also started about the same time that Fibromyalgia entered into my life. What a wonderful combination, eh? But they love me and give me that UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, that most women desire and don't get from their significant others. They are always happy to see me and even when I am not at my best, they know when it is time for Mama to pet THEM... LOL It's true.. they come to me when I need love and attention, one of them will nudge me to pet them, or snuggle under the covers. I also have a Cockatiel.. She lives in her own world and only lets me know when her food and water bowls are empty. Otherwise, we co-habitate the same space...
My faith in God... has not all together expired but is on the back burner, I guess is a good way of saying it. He didn't change, I did... I still believe and I still pray but for now that is all I am capable of.
Well my Random thoughts blog turned out a little longer than I thought so maybe I will work on it alittle more and see where it leads me. Right now, my arms are starting to ache and its time to readjust.. OH what the heck, here goes.. blog post # 1....
As you know I can relate on so many levels. Only no grandbabies, only one of three DDs want them, and it will be sometime. I fear when it comes I will not be able to lift and play with them, that breaks my heart. I have lived with the continuing breakdown of my body from the fibro for the bulk of my adult life and the impact it has had on me has taken its toll, and it is so true, so many do not understand. When they say it will get better, they do not realize that it really will not..at least not on all fronts. I once shied way from those that had negative feelings, us fibros being empathatic so just adds more pain...now I am one of them. I am trying hard not to be, but as you said it is one of those days. Guess we have to take the good and the bad and do our best to turn the latter around.
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